Toxic Relationships

In relationships, toxicity is the elephant-in-the-room, if and when it exists. Although the victim might feel something is wrong, they are made to feel that the relationships are like that, it is hard and this is how it is. Relationships, be it with friends, colleagues, siblings or cousins, could bring about happiness and well-being if there is mutual love and care. Read on to find out how to recognize toxic relationships and that you are not alone!

By Maneesha Ashutosh

Everyone encounters toxic relationship at least once in their lifetime, be it with boyfriend/girlfriend or with parents or with the spouse or co-worker and so on. It can crop up in the unlikeliest of places- yes, your best friend can also be the toxicity in your life. All we need to do in the first place is to wrap our head around the whole possibility and then start recognizing the signs. Recognizing is the first step towards your well being.

We have an inherent proclivity for shoving the unpleasant experiences and also traits of others into the deep recess of our mind and unconsciously believe that it never resurfaces! This is an evolutionary trait in humans to keep ourselves from going insane because the most what we fear is not the failure (of a relationship)  but the unknown. Familiarity breeds comfort rather than contempt, so recognizing a toxic relationship would mean that we would have to cut it off at some point of time and then tread the uncharted terrains of the unknown world of relationships. It is not easy to overcome these kinds of obstacles but whoever said life is easy!!

“Do not give place to envy in any relationship for “Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.”      

-Harold Coffin”

Recognizing toxic relationships

The meaning of toxic is- poisonous, destructive, dangerous, harmful, unsafe and so on and so forth as per the dictionary. Toxic relationship means exactly the same. If a relationship turns into any of the above-said things, then you are in one! If you google this, you get “N” number of websites on how to recognize and overcome it written by experts. So I need not reiterate it all over again. But as a thumb rule, you can recognize it in these simple ways. (it is always recommended to seek professional help in these cases).

1. More “give” than “receive”

Is this relationship taking all of your time, energy and patience? Is it feeling like one-way traffic? The first step is always taken by you even if the mistake is not yours to rectify the situation. The chances are that the other person makes you feel as though he/she is being generous to you by being in this relationship.

2. A sense of peacefulness in their absence

A sudden sense of peacefulness descends on you the moment this person leaves the place. You start feeling like a huge burden has been lifted off your shoulders. It could happen that you always have to try to fit into the image that the other person has of you. Your personality is completely hidden in their presence. You are actually looking forward to the other person to leave the place.

3.You feel like you are treading thin ice

Do you need to think twice before you give your opinion or suggestion, even though you both are very close to each other? The moment anything is said that is unsavory to them, all the hell breaks loose or he/she starts giving you the silent treatment without stating the reason.

4.It is all about the other person!

The person thinks he/she is the center of the universe. You are made guilty even if you are not involved in the bad experience that they are going through. You need to or rather have to keep him/her in mind before taking even a trivial decision otherwise, they will feel that he/she is not loved by you at all. There are a lot of I’s in the conversations rather than we in the relationship.

“Trust is the main ingredient in the recipe of relationship.

‘I trust you’ speaks more volumes than ‘I love you’”

Well, if you feel that you are experiencing one or more of these all the time, then its time to rethink this relationship! It can happen that you might find these traits are applicable once in a while, but that is OK. after all, we are human beings and we tend to have our mood swings. But if this is a persistent behavior on the other person’s part, then well, take your call.

These are just a few pointers to keep in mind. Most of the time the other person would be doing this unconsciously. They are so self-engrossed and self-indulged, that they hardly know what the other person is feeling. It is always best to get help in resolving these obstacles from a professional. These are not the signs that are visible to the outsiders and hence very difficult to prove to a layman that you are under duress. But remember! You are the only person in this world who can keep yourself well and happy. I wish you all the courage to overcome the toxic relationship!